On The Lighter Side: A Few Golf Jokes, Quotes, Musings & Resolutions

I don’t know about you, but I am badly in need of a few smiles and laughs. As the great columnist Erma Bombeck wrote, "When humor goes, there goes civilization." So just for a couple of minutes, let’s take a timeout from the real world.

“I have noticed, and I suppose other people have noticed, that in the golf education of every man there is a definitive point at which he may be said to have crossed the dividing line – the Rubicon, as it were – that separates the golfer from the non-golfer. This moment comes immediately after his first good drive.”
– P.G. Wodehouse, from his book, The Clicking of Cuthbert, which was originally published in 1922.

A GOLF TRUISM

Trying to hit something hard is in a man’s DNA. – 1502golf.com.

SCARED GUY

Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.  

“There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't!"

When asked what three things an aging golfer loses, six-time Major winner Lee Trevino (born 1939) said, “His nerve, his memory and I can’t remember the third thing.”

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does, when Mary Clancy came up to him in tears.

She was a golf widow whose husband spent every spare minute on the golf course.

“What’s bothering you so, dear?” asked Father O’Grady.

“Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news,” replied Mary.

“Well, what is it, Mary?”

“My husband, passed away last night, Father, straight after coming home from the golf club.”

“Oh, Mary,” said the father, “that’s terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?”

“Well, yes he did father,” Mary said.

“What did he ask, Mary?”

Mary replied, “He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down the gun!’”

“GOLF: A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand and water.”

After much thought, I have come up with my New Year’s golf resolutions:

1. NEVER START A ROUND WITHOUT SETTLING ON THE BET.

2. DON’T TRY STUPID SHOTS!

And finally, I will leave you with this must-remember quote: “A smile will gain you ten more years of life.” -- Chinese Proverb

Smile Away!
Allan Stark

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